[expletive deleted] - Ms. F

In my 10th Honors class, we read Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" and Moliere's Tartuffe, two examples of satire most commonly taught in the classroom. The kids loved 'em - I mean, how can you not love reading the piece that started dead baby jokes and a piece about a horny, hypocritical religious zealot?!

To make a smooth transition from satire to the heavy political pontifications of John Locke and the influence of his philosophies on the Declaration of Independence, I decided I should bring in the modern-day Grand Master of social/political satire: Mr. Jon Stewart. America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction was the perfect bridge between exploring satire in the modern era and introducing my students to Locke and the Declaration of Independence.

I was totally stoked about my brilliant, fail-proof lesson. My students were going to learn a crap-ton and they were going to split their sides with laughter while they were doing it. However, if you've ever even briefly looked through the book, you know it's full of obscenities, abortion jokes, and naked supreme court justices among other things, so I knew I had to clean up what I presented them. Thus, after I copied the pages from the book which, oddly enough, I found on the base library, stamped in enormous letters "PROPERTY OF THE UNITED STATES ARMY," I pored over the text, making sure to cover my arse by blacking out F-bombs, nudity and any other words that could get me in trouble, such as "Con-shit-ution."

When I finally presented the carefully edited Jon Stewart learning packet, my kids absolutely ate it up. They had never had so much fun learning the foundations of American democracy.

As I was reveling in my instructional brilliance and how proud their parents would be that they had learned about "our great country," as the buzz phrase is here, one student raised his hand in excitement.

Student 1: Ms. F! I love how they say Thomas Jefferson died!
Me: What? Where is that?
Student 1: Page 80. *snicker*
*Pause*
*two students in corner snicker knowingly*
Innocent Little Girl Student 2: Ms. F? What's auto-erotic asphyxiation?

If I get fired (if it's possible to fire an indentured servant who doesn't get paid), I had better get at least a good blurb on the Daily Show headlines.

OMG.

German Kezboards

I hate them. Sorrz if zou get an eßmail-post-message that looks something like this. The kezboards in Germanz all have different characters in different spots so sometimes iäts hard to tzpe ß especiallz if iäm have a limited amount of time, as right now. The worst is trzing to sign in and use the @ sign, which would look like this " if i didnät take 5 minutes to get the correct kezstrokes. Anzwho...gotta jet. Iäve onlz got less than 2 minutes...

Prost!

The vauge term "fest" is sprinkled all over Vilseck-area promotional material. Towns hold them. Community organizations hold them. And since churches hold them, I assumed there couldn't be too much fun going on at these so-called fests. Which is why I was puzzled at the reaction I received when one of my students found out I hadn't been to a fest yet...

"You haven't been to a fest, Ms. Fokken?!"
"No. What do they do at them anyway?"
"You go and get drunk and ride rides. It's the best!"
"And churches condone this...?"
"Yeah. They do here. They're all Catholic. What do you expect?"

It's been about a month since I had that conversation, and I've been to plenty of fests since. And they are indeed good times. That said, a good fest must contain the following things:

1. Bier. Pils. Weisen. Whatever you want to call it. In 6 gallon mugs.
2. Picnic Tables. In the States we use them for sitting; here, they use them for standing on and singing on and dancing on. I love it.
3. Crepes. (Bounus points if they have the Banana/Nutella option.)
4. The World Cup song. I have no idea what the words are besides "Zwie und tausand sechs" (2006), but people go nuts when the bands play this song. Literally everyone is up on the picnic tables, singing and swinging their beer steins along with the music. In any given night, the song will probably be played at least four times, and it never gets old!
5. Bratwurst with mustard. Delish.
6. Tables of people shouting "Prost!" (Cheers!) for no apparent reason and clinking mugs with whoever happens to be near them at the time.
7. A great live band that plays all German music, but whose final set consists of all of the following songs in English:

• "Manic Monday"
• "I Will Survive" (Germans LOVE it.)
• "YMCA"
• "Celebration"
• "Johnny B. Goode"
• "What's Up" (That 4 Non Blondes song...you know it.)
• "Shout"
• "99 Red Balloons" (In both English and German.)
• "Hang On Sloopy"

(All of the bands play these songs! Even the church fest bands. True story...just kidding. Unless you think I'm not.)

Verdict on Oktoberfest: Over 6 million people from around the globe partake in Oktoberfest. It is the biggest party in the world, so it's bound to be great times, and I'm glad I got to experience the spectacle. However, I'd have to say that the smaller festivals I've been to have been by far and away more merry. ;)

I've got pics up on my Flickr account of Oktoberfest and Nurnberg's Volkvest, and pics from the Vilseck fest that took place pretty much on my front step are coming soon!